10 DAYS!!!

This is crazy - it's down to the wire - only 10 more days left till Maui and the big race! Life has been SO hectic that it's been really hard to focus mentally on the upcoming race. I've been asked by so many people if I'm getting excited for the race, and it hasn't really set in yet. However, being in Ottawa at the moment (yes, New York on the weekend, Ottawa now, Montreal yesterday...the glam life? not really lol) I have really had a lot of moments of recalling why I am doing this.

I have been running twice now in Ottawa (the heat has been a great training tool) and it's incredible the memories flooding back to me. The first day I ran a 45 minute run that took me first past the house that my mother owned when she passed away 13 years ago and it brought back so many memories. That was a house of love - it was always a home that was welcoming and bright - my mother seemed to know everyone in the neighbourhood, and it was after my mum had a little front porch build (by my dad!) that the neighbours began to do the same, and it really helped to develop a much friendlier neighbourhood. Suddenly everyone was enjoying their front porch rather than the backyard...and it was all begun by mum.

I ran up to my old high school, and actually into the school. I haven't actually stepped foot inside in perhaps 15 years, and it was eerie. It was in fact the first day of school, and although all the students had long gone for the day, it was such a reminder of my own first day of high school. I was so shy, and so incredibly insecure. I was so afraid of "teenagers" and felt so awkward. I remember an older student - he was a punk rocker (yes, this was the 80's) and for whatever reason I remember a leather bracelet that he wore and he had hair spiked up like he was from so English punk band - he looked menacing, but he was so incredibly nice and helped me find a classroom. Wow - so strange to be thinking about all of these things! I went into the gym and had horrible memories of ditching gym class - I was so small and so nonathletic! So ironic now since I am actually doing a marathon and I have had people referring to me as an "athlete". My adult life has been full of athletic endeavours, but imagine that in high school I eventually was allowed to skip gym class all together in exchange for writing three papers on three different sports. That was so long ago!

My life has changed so much. Although I think I still have some of the same insecurities - I'm just better at masking them, and I've had much more life experience. Running Nepean (the part of Ottawa my family lives in) has just been such a strange experience all together - the church that my mother had her funeral in; the church that I sang in the choir; my primary school; my intermediate school. These are all places that I have driven by so many times, but running by them with this marathon so close at hand has been a reminder of why I left Ottawa - I wanted to find myself, try to find my place in the world, but I think even more so to try to let go of memories of my mum. Of course that didn't happen - I just pushed them to the back of my mind. But all this focus on her these past few months - all this training, and hearing stories of others that have been affected - has really helped me to finally find peace. This run is going to be incredible. I have such incredible support from friends, family and even strangers...and equally importantly I have four other heroes who inspire me as well, and who I have not forgotten about - Cody, Bob, Gregory, and Lek. These five people are going to help me through.

Today I ran again today - incredible heat, and I was exhausted (I need sleep and I am fighting a cold from too many weeks of too much to do) but I was again reminded of a promise that I made to myself - that I will cross that finish line no matter what. That the pain that I endure is nothing compared to the pain of chemotherapy. That if I can do this I can do anything that I put my mind to. Four months ago I was intimidated by 10km...today I am EXCITED about running 42km!!! I say bring it on! God - and I have met some incredible people along the way. What a journey!

Well, this journey isn't over yet...and I will end this incredibly long blog with some more positive news. I saw the doctor today that is meant to do the excision on my tongue to remove a displastic area (pre-cancerous). Today he isn't so sure that it isn't something that urgent. He is going to speak with my doctor in Vancouver, but perhaps Christmas will be something to look forward to rather than something to dread because of a surgery. I may not have to do it, and I have fingers crossed that I don't. Again...I have someone watching over me...and I know that she will keep me safe - both in the race and in my overall health. Lord knows I will need it now that I live in Harlem! :)